I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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