If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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