The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
