Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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