that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
