For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
