First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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