I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
