I wish I could punch you in the face.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
