dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
