Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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