I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize