Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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