Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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