Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
