Already got asked if we're dating
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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