She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
