To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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