i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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