"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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