We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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