I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
