it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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