At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
