can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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