ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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