I want to make a zoo with you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
