just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
