i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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