That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
