I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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