Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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