someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
