foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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