What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did i walk over a car last night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
