just come out here and I will go home with you...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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