I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
