I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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