Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
