If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
