Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
