matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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