She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Text me some of your sweat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
