Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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