nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize