Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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