Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
