Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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