watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
