new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
