I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
