Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
