Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
