I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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