Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
