I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
