What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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