Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
