So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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