no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
