I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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