glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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