Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
someone owes me an orgasm
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
