Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
