@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
