carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
