She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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