Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
