she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
