My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
