is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
