i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
