You're so nebulous sometimes
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
