Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
